Jen: We’re back! Last week we left off after discussing our
impressions of Nick’s Dad from The Pull of Gravity by Gae Polisner. Now
we can continue our discussion by getting back to Nick’s mom’s role in the
situation.
Back to moms...the poor mom! I would be curious to see what
happens with Nick and his mom and brother when he gets home. That’s where the
31-year-old mom in me comes out because I can imagine how I would react if it
was me and hope she would be strong.
GAE: What would “strong” entail for you? Would Colby’s answer be
different? Colby? And more importantly, would Nick’s? Would my kids’?
JEN: Well, the mom is all supportive of the dad but he’s not
being honest with her. I would hope she would give him a piece of her mind. I
feel like Nick is the kind of kid would side with his mom. I feel like the dad
not being honest with them whether he’s sleeping with MaeLynn, in love with
MaeLynn, or just needing MaeLynn as support. Once you aren’t truthful, don’t
you lose people’s trust?
COLBY:
I’m all about “till death do us part”, and now that I don’t know what the mom
knew and what she didn’t know, I’m all confused. I like thinking about what Gae
said about kids not being privy to everything that has to do with parents’
relationships.
JEN: I thought the mom thought the dad was really in New York
and really doing his article. But I could be inferring. So if the dad totally
betrays the mom and is off sleeping with someone else or in love with someone
else, doesn’t it kind of suggest that has has given up on the “til death do us
part” of marriage? And then if he wants to come back it would just be lots of
time spent patching up his relationship with his wife then and getting her
trust back, right? I’ve never been in that situation but I don’t know if I
could give my trust again. It would be really really really really hard.
It’s true that we are adults talking through this and with our
adult brains analyzing the situation but I think kids would realize how Nick is
a nice kid and hopefully see that the parents’ relationship, however they
interpret it, is not healthy.
GAE: This is not a non-sequitur (and no Googling/cheating): Do
either of you know what I do for a living (I mean, a real living, when my books
aren’t making me millions *coughs*)?
COLBY:
Are you an Olympic swimmer?
GAE: *shakes head NO*
JEN: I was going to say swimming in frigid waters!
Now I’m thinking a divorce lawyer...
GAE: *touches nose* But moreso, a divorce MEDIATOR. And I don’t
know much, but what I do know are these two things: 1. When parents come to me
to get divorced and one parent has cheated, the kids don’t care in terms of it
affecting whether they want their parents to stay together. It’s almost primal
(or something) that that’s what they want. So whatever we as adults think of
what happened with Nick’s parents and MaeLynn, I assume that what Nick would
want most is for his parents to stay together IF they could and could be at all
happy. 2. The second thing I know from all my years of mediation training, is
that grown up kids, looking back, would rather have had their parents separate
or divorce than stay together and be unhappy. Look at how complicated and
competing those two things are. I just find it all so fascinating and layered.
I’m not sure what my point is exactly except that I think that whatever happens
when Nick gets home, his first hope will be that even if his dad effed up, his
mother and father my try hard to repair things. Does that then compete with
Jen’s hope that his mother will be “strong?” Can strength come instead from
understanding, rebuilding, forgiving, etc.? I’m interested that it hasn’t come
up how much Nick’s father sacrificed early on by giving up the work and city he
loved to move for the mom... although Colby sort of alluded to it at some
point. Phew! Done.
JEN: I just hope the mom is “strong” in the sense that she is
true to herself and expresses herself and how she feels. It is so interesting
to hear how your experiences in real life become part of the story you wrote as
an author. Here’s another question, should the parents then try to stay
together knowing the kids are just going to rather them be separate later, or
should they separate knowing it’ll be hard now but the kids would rather that
when they are older.
And I have to say that the dad is part of the decision-making so
if he did sacrifice living in the city it must have been for good reasons and
he chose to go along with it, right?
Okay, I can stop complaining about the dad in the book now. I
just hope readers and Nick learn from the parents’ relationship.
COLBY:
Well, I think we know how Jen feels about the dad:) I think that the dad
probably went along with it because he loves his family. I’m guessing that he
had no idea that it would end up turning him into FatMan2.
GAE: So would it be a stretch to say you felt any sympathy toward
him? Be honest. Either way. (LOL, I like that Jen is answering even
though we already know HER answer!) Oh wait, Jen is now surprising me... :))
JEN: Sometimes it is so hard for me to have sympathy when I have
never been in a situation like that. I have no idea how I would respond but I
hope I would be able to talk to my family and make things work.That’s another
thing I like about books, it helps me develop empathy. If I encounter someone
who is in this situation in real life, I know I’ll think back to this book and
try to be understanding.
COLBY:
Jen, you are making me defend someone that I don’t agree with. That makes me
laugh. As a man, I think that FatMan2 (I like calling him that) doesn’t feel
like a man. He is fat and not really working. Nothing wrong with being a little
fat, but he was pretty much on top of the world, and now the things that once
defined him he now feels like a loser (I need to clean that sentence). I’m not
trying to defend him, but I think that when lives get turned upside down people
sometimes have to look somewhere else to fill a void that they are not getting
somewhere else. He should have turned somewhere else.
Do you
think the mom should have handled things differently?
JEN: Yes and no. I think the dad should have been able to talk
to his wife and work on things together but even if the mom had tried and tried
and tried it sounds like the dad wanted to do things in his own way. And if he
was relying on MaeLynn I’m going to guess he might not have been open to
working through things with his wife. It seems like he was closed off from her.
The mom could have played a role in helping him but he would have had to have
wanted her help.
GAE: I LOVE how my totally made up fictional story has you
type-arguing with one another! I love all the stuff we all read into books. I
love how in TPOG, we really have NO insight into what the mother knows or
doesnt know but we've made assumptions that fit our understanding of the world,
sometimes to a stereotyped degree. Like the assumption the mom doesn't know vs.
the mom gave her blessing and said, “you go do what you need to do and tell me
when you figure it out”. We don't know! but we view the world in a particular
way - from years of anecdotes or whatever... and we bring that to the table. It
makes you realize why none of us read a book the same way. Or view any art the
same way. So much has to do with what we subjectively bring to it.
JEN: It is amazing what books can do. I love that we all
interpret books in our own way based on our own experiences. They have the
ability to justify or expand our lives and our understanding of people.
COLBY:
The power of talking and sharing books is CRAZY AWESOME.
JEN: Gae, thank you so much for joining us AND, more
importantly, for not telling us what really happened to the characters in your
head. I have no idea how you restrain yourself from telling readers how you
believe them to be and letting us work things our for ourselves. But I
appreciate it.
GAE: This was pretty amazing for me! I think it’s not my job to
tell readers how it is because how it is, is however it is FOR THEM. RIght?
JEN: Exactly! I just think it’s amazing that you are able to do
that.
GAE: Thank you for letting me do this! Really. It was totally
utterly awesome. And for reading and talking about my book. It means so much to
me.
COLBY:
Thanks for writing books for young adult readers that don’t suck (and for
hanging out and chatting with a couple of teachers).
GAE: Well, I’m glad TPoG doesn’t suck. Let’s see how the next
one is... ;) When there is a next one. Wish me luck. It’s written . . .
:)
COLBY and JEN: We’ll be eagerly waiting! Thanks again!
Title: Graceling
and 
